Pretend it's OK
by Peetamellarkandkatnisseverdeen
Summary: What if Katniss talks to Peeta after he gives her the bread, and what happens."Sometimes it gets so hard pretending its ok." He tells her, and wraps his arms around her as a comforting hug, Katniss cried into his shoulder, finally allowing herself to be comforted. A hug was just the thing she needed.
1. Chapter 1

_Pretend It's OK_

Katniss Everdeen was a strong Twelve year old. Before her father died, and after. Even though what she was going through, would kill a twelve year old. She was able to handle it. She managed to find food for her younger sister Prim, and for her mother who wasn't really there. Just staring with blank eyes. She made Prim eat all the food she found, starving her self. It was worth it, seeing her younger sister with hollow cheeks made her feel worse. It was better watching her eat the food. Until she couldn't find any food. She spent hours after school in the woods, Practicing with the bow and arrow her father had made for her before he passed away. Her teachers started to notice, the way she came to school with circles underneath her eyes,her hollow cheeks that matched her younger sisters, and the way how she acted as if she never had a father. As if she was perfectly fine, with her harden mask that was meant not to show any emotion, it was never easy pretending it's ok. They would ask her to say after school, ask her if she's alright. She would always give them the same answer.

"I'm ok." Then walk out. It was true until too many days pasted. Today, the rain was falling in icy sheets, and she had some baby clothes to sell. Nobody wanted them, and she sunk to her knees, wishing for her father. But the loss of him had finally taken toll. There was nobody to help her.

_At least you don't have to Pretend it's ok, anymore. _

That was one thing she would agree with. She found herself digging around in the garbage bins, she looked up when she heard the yelling. The baker wife was yelling something about kids from the seam going in her garbage. The bell rang, and she disappeared to help a customer. Her blued eyed son saw, and realized it was the girl he liked since they were five. He grabbed the loaves of bread that were meant for the customer, and threw them into the flames. The mother started yelling again, and hit him with the rolling pin, the only thing in her hand at the time. This time, Katinss could make out the words.

"Nobody decent would buy burned bread! Give it to the pig!" He ignored her and started tearing off the burnt pieces, Peeta Mellark avoided her eyes, but it didn't stop Katniss from noticing the bruise under his eye.

* * *

"Start going home, Prim." It was the only time Katniss voice was ever gentle, when she was talking to Prim. She had notice Peeta looking at her again, and made eye contact, and this wasn't the first time today. She found herself walking towards him, even though she didn't want to. He had started making his way towards her as well, getting stares from his friends. Katniss stopped a few feet away from him, as if she came any closer he would disappear.

"Why did you do it?" That was the only thing that was going through her head. "It wasn't worth it. I was as good as dead."

"Thats why I did it." His voice was gentle, unlike Katniss who spoke with coldness. "It was worth it. Even getting hit was worth it." He tensed when her hand came up to his face, thinking she would hit him. Peeta relaxed when her fingers gently brushed against the bruise.

"You shouldn't have let her hit you." He gives her a shurg.

"It didn't hurt."

"I don't care about that. It's not right. Does your father know?" Peeta shook his head no, making Katniss sigh. Peeta smilies at her, and takes her hand, taking her down the road leading to the bakery.

"You know, if you need bread, you need to come right after school."

Katniss sat on the counter in the bakery, not by her choice of course. Peeta had pulled her by the hand into the bakery, no matter how many times Katniss complained about it, and insisted on making her two fresh loaves of bread, a bunch of cheese buns and a batch of cookies. Katniss watched Peeta bake, while he was baking he was in a different world, you would think he was there by himself, if it wasn't for him talking to you, trying to make conservation. Katniss watched cafefully, afraid he would look up and find her watching him. The way his long blonde eyelashes didn't get tangled up, or the way he moved just seemed to be the perfect motion. He gives her a flashing smile as he took a tray out of the oven. A few moments later, he was handing her a bag full of the bread. Peeta was one of the only people who could read through her mask.

"Sometimes it gets so hard pretending its ok." He tells her, and wraps his arms around her as a comforting hug, Katniss cried into his shoulder, finally allowing herself to be comforted. A hug was just the thing she needed. Peeta was right, it wasn't worth pretending its ok when you need help or when you lose somebody.

* * *

Katniss jumped as she heard the knock at her window. Prim was already asleep, along with the rest of District Twelve. Nobody who would stay up this late would think about coming to the seam. She opened the window revealing Peeta Mellark.

Okay, only Peeta would come into the seam at this late hour.

"I just came to make sure you are ok." He says, giving her smile. He climbed in to her room, wrapping his arms around her.

"You don't have to pretend it's ok, anymore, Katniss." He mumrus.


	2. Chapter 2

_Pretend It's OK_

I studied the cake. This one had to be perfect. I cursed as I got to close and got icing on the tip of my nose. This wasn't any cake a customer would buy, to me this was _the_ _cake. _The cake I would force Katniss to take home after she came here like she does since she was twelve. Since then, we became friends, which turned into best friends. I remembered the day I met her, the day after I somehow saved her with bread. I was like a lovesick puppy. Happy, that the love of my life had somehow become my best friend. She hunts now, but every once in awhile she would take the bread, knowing I would stop bothering her to take some for awhile if she did. I wouldn't usually make her take cake, but it was her birthday, her sixteenth birthday.

_And this was the day you would kiss her._

If I work up enough courage. That would only happen if she takes the cake. I looked up at the time.

"Shit." I mutter. Being late to class three times in a row wasn't going to get me anywhere but detention. I grab my bag and run out the door, running to school would be a good ten minutes of exercise.

I look at the time on my watch 6:15. I let out a sigh, thankful I got here five minutes early. My eyes scan the crowd for Katniss, and see Gale Hawthorne walk in.

_Man, I hate that guy. He's all over Katniss._

He's tall and muscular, and the girls fall for him all the time, expect for Katniss, thankfully. I smiled at the memory of Katniss telling me I had more muscle than him. I jump when I feel the tap on my shoulder, not expecting it and hear Katniss let out a small laugh. I grumble.

"What did you do, run to get here on time?"

"No." I say quickly, reaching for my water bottle.

"Really, Peeta? Your shirt is soaked." I looked down and my dark blue shirt, which was soaked.

"Fine." I mumble. "I ran."

"And you were baking before, I guess." She says, wiping the dried up frosting off my nose. "You know, if you didn't bake in the mornings you wouldn't be late to school."

"I know. Do you have any of my shirts?" She looks at me like I'm crazy.

"Why would I have your shirts?"

"You take my shirts all the time!"

"I don't take them. You give them too me." She turns to unlock her locker, probably hoping I wouldn't notice her small blush rise to her cheeks. I give her a smile as she throws me one my shirts, even though she's not looking at me. I pull the other one over my head and hand it to Katniss. A few girls stop by and stare, while their jealous looking boyfriends keep walking down the hall. I can hear some whispering to each other.

"He's so hot."

"She's so lucky to have him as a boyfriend. I mean, he _bakes_."

"And wrestles." One adds.

"He even has blue eyes and blonde hair!"

I look over at Katniss, who isn't saying a thing, but she's looking at me. I smile at her and put my shirt on so she stops drooling.

"Alright ladies, shows over," I tell them, putting my arm around Katniss waist, a common gesture. This time I whisper, only so Katniss can hear. "I'm guessing you enjoyed what you saw." She pushes me playfully and pushes my hair out of my eyes.

"You need a haircut," She makes a face and wipes her hand on my dry tee. "And a shower." I just laugh, grab her hand and pull her with me to class.

I kick a rock down the brick path. Katniss was walking besides me, her hands in her pockets. Something was bothering her, and she was clearly thinking about it. I pull her into my house, and smile.

"Wait right here." I tell her. She opens her mouth to argue, but I cut her off. "Wait." I repeat. I walk to the back of the bakery and take the cake out of the fridge. "Oh my god! Babe, come over here!" I say in a high pitched voice. Katniss head comes in through the doorway, a look of confusion on her face.

"Peeta! I told you not to do this."

"But Babe!" The rest of her body appears, her eyebrow raised questionly.

"Did you ju-"

"Call you Babe? Yeah, twice actually. You don't like it?" She shakes her head, knowing I'm going to end up calling her this for the next few months, while I smile_,_ and her troubled face comes back.

"What's bothering you?"

"Gale h-" She stop abruptly, closing me out. I moved closer to her.

"Did he hurt you?"

"Yes. No! He just-" she puts a hand over her mouth, wanting to take it back.

"What did he do to you? I told you not to talk to him, he's dangerous."

"He didn't do anything." Her voice cracks, one of the signs that she lying.

"What did he do to you? You can tell me anything." She pulled up the sleeve of her hunting jacket, revealing bruises that he probably put there. I wanted to go find that kid, and beat the hell out of him, but Katniss would kill me if I did that because of her. Instead I wrap my arms around her. Katniss voice is soft and quite, when she speaks, I notice how broken it sounds.

"It's not just that. It's my nightmares too." The nightmares she has about her dad, when he died in the mine accident. "I don't just see my dad die," She sounded close to tears. "The nightmares gotten worse. I see you."

She whispered the last so quietly, I almost didn't hear her.

_Katniss Everdeen dreams about me. _

Even if it was about me dying, I couldn't but help think I might actually be more than friend to her.

"It's okay. I not going to leave you alone. I'm not going anywhere."

"I know. I just can't help but think that might actually happen, I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you."

The games. That's what she saw. She saw me in the games, the one thing I couldn't Protect her from. I died in them. The only thing that District Twelve would never have a shot at.

I hold her tighter, afraid she would let go, and I know she was afraid of the same thing.

And for the first time four years, she didn't Prentend It's Ok.


	3. Chapter 3

_Pretend It's OK_

I lay in bed staring at my cracked celling, thinking about what today was.

The Reaping.

The night when nobody gets any sleep, the day when two kids go to their death. I've been up all night thinking about what could happen. Not to me, but to a dark brown haired, grey eyed girl, and to her younger sisters name that would be going in for the first time. I thought about her smile. Katniss Everdeen smile, the one that I soon learned that I was the only one able to but there. Her hair in the simple braid she wore everyday. Today, she'd be wearing a dress and a much more complicated braid that her mother or younger sister would do.

I wonder if she saw me die last night in her nightmares.

Today was the day everybody hated. You'd lay in bed for a few hours, wondering if you're going to get picked for a game that you die, infrount of cameras. that's the sick part. People enjoy watching die, in some of the places like the Capitol. You would go to the town square, even if you were to old to compete. It was like a source of light to bugs. You just head to go, wether if you want to or you don't. There'd be some people who would place bets on who they thought would get picked, the ones who don't care anymore. There would be parents there too, watching the stage, praying that their child wouldn't get picked. But tonight two different families would close their shutters, lock their door, and wonder how they would bear the painful weeks to come, forced to watch the TV by the Capitol and watch their loved one die.

Everybody played by the rules, no matter how tough they are.

"Peeta Jonthan Mellark!" My mother shouts. "Get your lazy ass out of bed and start baking! I know you wouldn't be thinking about going back to bed!" I groan, and pull myself out of bed. Nobody even comes to the bakery on the reaping, anyways. She just used the bread for Tomorrow.

"Coming!" I shout, and quicky look out the window for where Katniss would be at this time in the morning. I pull a shirt over my head, and start down the stairs.

"You better be ready for the reaping by the time I come back." Is all my mother says to me before she walks out the door. Typical mom. My older brothers were still asleep not sweating it. Today was Jacobs birthday, making him nineteen. His name won't go in any more. Just like my oldest brother, Joel.

Lucky bastards.

* * *

I button up the last button on my nicest shirt, just as clock hits two. I only had a few minutes left to get to the reaping. I was always late for stuff like this. I book out the door, knowing the rest of my family is already there. The only good thing about living in the bakery is that the town square is right there. As I get out the door, I can see the screens that the peacekeepers put up. I scan the crowd, looking for Katniss and Prim. A few peacekeepers where letting the kids in, taking a few drops of blood. I go into the shortest line I see, and look around for my family this time. If my name was called and I didn't show up, my mother personally would remove my hide. They ring a warning bell, saying that the reaping was going to begin in a few seconds. I make my way to the boys, and near the sixteen years olds, looking for Katniss again. Effie Trinket makes her way to the stage, and starts talking. I drown out her words, only wanting to hear the name she's about to call out, hoping its not Katniss Everdeen. When she starts the say the name, my heart drops. Because its not Katniss, but the one thing I knew she'd never risk losing.

Primrose Everdeen.

I step forward, wanting to stop the innocent twelve year old for moving to the stage. I wanted to volunteer, even though I couldn't. Only another girl could take Prims place, and I wasn't going to let it be Katniss. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and turned around to see Joel, he somehow gotten into the crowd of kids waiting for their death.

"You can't help her, you can't volunteer for her, Peeta." He tells me.

"I can volunteer for the boys." I say, probably sounding crazy. "I can make sure she wins."

My heart drops even further when I hear Katniss voice. This time it wasn't the cold one she gave to everybody. This one was the soft and caring one she used when she was with Prim or me.

"Prim!" I look at her, her blue reaping dress, and the complicated braid that her mother put there. The peacekeepers block her way, keeping her from reaching Prim. "No! I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!" She says, everybody watching her, listening to every word. Effie begins talking, but I don't listen, only hearing her last few words.

"Let's give her a big hand." Everybody stands still, startled. I can't speak, I can't think, but I force myself to move, I bring my three middle fingers to my lips then put my hand in the air, and it seems to wake up the district, because they do the same thing as me.

I can see Katniss emotionless face crack.

"And now for the boys." Effie chirpy voice says. And for the first and last time, I hope it's me.

No I don't hope it's me, it _has_ to be me.

"Peeta Mellark."

If it wasn't me going to my death, I'd smile. I move to the stage, and up the steps. I look behind the crowd, where the seam was, where Katniss lives. There's more talking but I block it out, thinking about how I was going to make Katniss win. I could join the Careers, and pretend to help them look for her, making sure we slowly hunt the other tributes, hoping some of the careers die along the way, so when I die, it only be Katniss and a few other tributes. She knows how to hunt, so we have to make sure she gets her hand on a bow and arrow. I was to lost in thought that Effie had to repeat telling us to shake hands. I shake Katniss hand, and resist from wanting to gather her up in my arms, and tell her everything is going to be Ok.

The peacekeepers usher us off stage and bring us to the justice building.

I sit on the couch, staring at the wall, thinking about how to get Katniss home. Back here, were she'll be safe, and not worry about the reaping anymore. I won't have to worry about her, wondering she'll have enough food. I weakly look up when I hear the door open and my family comes in. I don't have the heart to talk so we sit in silence but when the peacekeepers come to get them, my mother looks at me.

"District twelve might finally have a winner. She's a survivor that one." then she turns around and leaves me alone. The door has just fully closed when Gale Hawthorne throws it open and slams me against the wall, my shirt balled up in his fists. He must have just said goodbye to Katniss, because of his anger.

"Make sure she comes home."

"I will. That what my plan was. You know I would die for her." I tell him, and he nods.

"Promise me you'll protect her."

"I promise, only under one condition."

"Yeah?" He asks impatiently.

"Make her happy."

* * *

Katniss looked like she was ready to kill herself. We were on the train taking us to the Capitol for the games. She looked like she wanted to cry, which what was going to happen. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her tightly to me, I was afraid of letting her go, because if I did she would disappear. I feel her heart beating against mine, her face buried in my neck. She didn't have anything to say. We stay like this for a few minutes, but it feels like hours. Katniss moves her arms from my neck, and I thought she was going to say goodnight and go to bed, but she takes my hand, and leads me too her room. She pulls the covers back, and climbs into the bed, and gently pats the spot next to her.

_She wants me to sleep with her._

My heart started beating a little faster, and I take the invitation. I climb in next to her, and wrap my arms around her waist. Her head rested on my chest, her arms around my neck. We stay silent, and Katniss breathing slowed to a steady soft one, and know she's asleep. I study her face as I had done many times before, just noticing a small scar on her face that she got from hunting. My hand moves up to brush some lose strands of hair out of her face. My skin brushing against hers. My hand doesn't stop moving though. My fingers trace the outline of her face, wanting to remember every detail. I close my eyes, making sure I memorized her grey eyes. It was hard to not memorize them. It was one of the first things I memorized about her. I open my eyes and look at her lips. Even though she won't feel it, I brush my lips gently against hers once, and lean my head into the pillow.

"Goodnight, Katniss."

* * *

I was an idiot. I just left Katniss there, with the Tracker Jackers. As I race through the trees back to where everything is in complete Chaos, I hear a canon and pray its not Katniss, and hopefully it's one of the careers. I get my spear ready just in case as I get closer to the bushes that conceal the tree we where at last night.

As I break through, I see Katniss draw an arrow.

My arm falls limply at my side.

"What are you doing here?" I hiss, she should be smart enough to know to leave this area by now. I prod her gently with the end of my spear, and hear noise coming from the trees behind me.

"Get out of here! Go!" I shout, but whisper something that the cameras couldn't hear, but I risk Katniss hearing it. I've never said these words directly to her. "I love you."

Cato appears, his face red with anger.

"You let her go?" He hisses, and pulls the spear out of my hands. "I thought the plan was to kill her?" His face was a few inches from mine, demanding an answer. Anger courses through my veins. I was mad at the Capitol, even if I knew I was never going to be able to take it out on them, instead I take it out on Cato. My hand connects with his face, and we tumble to the ground, wrestling, grunting, getting in a punch and a kick, or even a elbow to the face, trying to come up with something that will hurt the other. Cato has blood from his nose, I probably broke it. His fist comes in contact with me cheek, and I'm startled for a few seconds, his hands were literally as hard as a rock. I stand up, my eyesight blurry from the tracker jacker stings. My arms and legs ache, from staying up all night last night, and from the fight me and Cato just had. I was trying to focus on Cato, getting ready to hit him. I feel a pain in my leg. I look down, to see blood pouring out of my leg. I don't have enough power to fight Cato anymore, so I turn and limp away from him, thinking of two things.

Water and Katniss.

I limp down the side of this river, stopping every few minutes too wipe away my blood, trying to hide the fact that there could be a injured, dying tribute around this area. Within a few minutes, I find a muddy part of the bank, big enough for me to conceal myself. I lower myself into the mud, groaning in pain when my bad leg touches the ground. I cover myself in mud and weeds, trying to completely disappear, before I pass out.

I don't know who long I was stuck in the mud, or how long I was sleeping before I woke up. One night, after they show the tributes who died today, trumpets sound, and Cluadis templesmith voice comes in. Saying that both tributes from the same district can win. I stay up all night puzzling if I should get up and look for Katniss, but know it won't happen because I barely have enough energy to talk. I been lying for a few hours when I hear some noise, knowing it's a tribute.

"Peeta?" Katniss voice reaches my ears. By the sounds, she's coming closer.

"Come to finish me off, sweetheart?" I see her foot before her face. "Well, don't step on me." I see her confused expression, and laugh.

"Do that again." She commands, like a little kid seeing someone do a magic trick. I listen, and close my eyes, along with my mouth.

"I'm going to have to pull you out." I nod, not wanting to say anything. The next few minutes I'm not aware of anything, even though I try to pay attention. I somehow mange to do what she tells me, I end up whispering something in her ear, but I have no clue what I said.

When we are in some cave thing, I can make sense of what is going on.

"Katniss." I say, and she pushes my hair out of my eyes.

"It's okay." She tells me.

"Katniss," I repeat, more urgently. "If I don't make it bac-"

This time she cuts me off, not with words, but with her lips.

"You aren't going to die. I won't allow it."

* * *

"They took your leg!" Katniss says, not trying to hide her anger.

"You can't control what happens to everybody!" I tell her. "Don't blame yourself for this one!"

"This wouldn't have happened if I found you earlier! I could have stopped it from happening!"

"I'm lucky that you even found me! If you didn't I'd be dead."

"Don't say that. You wouldn't know what happens."

She softened her voice, as if she was scared of the idea of losing me. It could be possible that I was one of those people, one of the ones she couldn't stand losing.

"It's okay." I tell her, wrapping my arms around her and bury my face in her hair. "I'm not going anywhere. It's OK."


	4. Chapter 4

_Pretend It's OK_

I sit on my couch, watching the televion waiting for President Snow to read the card in his hands.

"For the 75th year of the Hunger Games the victors will be re-" I was out the door before he could finish his sentence. I knew exactly what was going to happen.

Katniss was going back into the arena.

She is only female victior, and it was between me and Haymitch for the male. I moved as fast as I could with my new leg. I throw Haymitchs door open, expecting it to be a mess, but it's clean. I keep moving to the kitchen, where Haymitch is sitting at the table opening a new bottle of liquor. My anger boils he's always drinking.

"You're just sitting there drinking?" I shout. He looks at me drunkly.

"What?"

"Katniss is going back to that hellhole! And you're not even worried!" He looks at like he wants me to go on. "One of us is going back in there with her! Haymitch." I can hear the pleading coming into my voice. "If your name gets picked, let me go in with her. I can't lose her. I need to go back in there to protect her."

"What make you think I wouldn't try to protect her?" He demands. "When she figures this out, she'll want me to go in with her so you can live."

"Then don't make the deal with her! She's going to win. She has to. Prim, she needs her, and her mother, Gale does. Everybody needs her. We need her to live so we can fight. Not our district. The other districts. If she lives, they would still would want to fight! I don't want to keep her alive for the rebellion, Haymitch. You need to keep her away from Gale he'll convince her to fight. Don't let her. Keep her save when she get home." I say, knowing that if she gets home, everybody would go against the Capitol. He thinks about my words.

"Alright," he pauses. "But you know I will have to make some sort of deal with her."

"Just make sure it doesn't evolve her getting killed." I tell him, before I go down hall and out the door looking for Katniss. I knock on her front door, knowing it be a long shot that Katniss would be here if she Figured it out. Prim answers the door, Gale sitting at the table with her mother. Of course Gale didn't care enough to look for Katniss. Prim flings her small arms around me.

"I'm so sorry Peeta." She sobs into my shirt. "For whats happening." I hug her back, trying to comfort her.

"Its okay." I tell Prim, and kneel down so I'm her height. "I'm going to make sure Katniss comes home again, okay?" The tears stream down her face faster.

"Katniss wouldn't let you. She can't live without you." My heart lifted up a little, despite what was happening.

"Neither could I." I tell her younger sister before running out into the night. I start calling Katniss name, even though I know she wouldn't answer. I walk around the victor village, thinking she'd be in one of the houses because she can't go to the woods because of the fence. I was about to give up on her being in one of the houses when I saw a broken window in one of them. I wasn't going to fit through it, or about to break the window if Katniss was right under it. I walk to the front door and find my way to the basement in the dark, nearly killing myself in the process. I find the door to the basement, and stumble down the stairs. I see Katniss small figure curled up in a ball, probably thinking about what was happening.

"Katniss?" She doesn't answer, but I know she crying. I walk over to her and rest my hand on her shoulder, and lower myself to the ground next to her. "It's ok." I whisper into her ear. I pull her into my lap, and wrap my arms around her. "Everything is going to be alright." We sit there, her face buried in my chest, my face buried in her hair, whispering calming words in her ear, telling her everything is going to be okay, that she'll be safe. When her crying turns into a sniffle every once awhile, she speaks.

"I'm not worried about me, Peeta. I'm worried about you." For the first time, I don't have words. She puts her arms my neck, and puts her face in the crook of my neck. We sit there silently, for another hour before I do anything. Unaware of my actions, I brush my lips against her neck. Katniss moves her head to face me. I'm about apologize for doing that, but her lips crash into mine gently. My hands go to her waist, and hers find my hair. She pulls away abruptly.

"My mother and Prim they th-"

"It's ok." I mutter. "They know I'm looking for you." She nods, and stands up. I stand up next to her, and take her hand leading her up the stairs and find our way to the front door. I was about to open the door when she speaks again.

"Peeta? Can I stay at your house tonight?"

"Yes. You can go in. I'll tell your mother I found you." She walks down the wall towards my house, and I go to her house. I knock on the door quickly. This time Gale answers the door.

"Yes?" He asks, clearly annoyed by me showing up again.

"Is Mrs. Everdeen or Prim here?" I ask, just as Prim and her mother come into the hall.

"Peeta!" Prim says, forgetting about Gale. "What brings you here?" Wondering why I showed up at her house twice tonight.

"I found Katniss."

"Is she alright? Where is she?" That was Gale.

"She's at my house she wants to stay the night." The anger is now visible in Gales face. By the looks of it, he wants to yell at me.

"Thank you, Peeta. You should go get some sleep." I nod, and bring myself to allow how tired I am. I make my way to my house, preparing myself to be sleeping on the couch. When I open the door, I see Katniss sitting on the couch, looking at a drawing.

"This is really good." She tells me, studying it. "How long does it take you to draw something like this?"

"I don't know. I usually draw or paint when I can't sleep or if I get nightmares." Katniss nods, her finger tracing the lines.

"You usually get something that most people would miss." She opens her mouths to continue, but decides against it. "I should go to bed." She puts the drawing the down, and starts to lay down on the couch.

"You can sleep in my bed." I tell her.

"Are you sure?" I hear the uncertain in her voice.

"Yeah." I take her hand and lead her to my room, even though she would know where it is, since the houses are exactly the same. She crawls under the covers, and I start to get another blanket so I can sleep on the couch. I feel Katniss eyes watching me.

"You can sleep with me." She says softly.

"Are you sure? I take my leg off. I don't want you to see it it's ki-"

"Peeta. You really think a leg would affect what I think about you?"

"I don't know." I admit. "Maybe." I climb into the bed next to her. Katniss comes closer, and rest her on my chest, while my arms go around her waist. My face buries in her hair, I take in her sent, the woods.

"Peeta?" She whispers.

"Yes, Katniss?"

"I know it's Uncomfortable. I don't care if you take it off. To me it doesn't what you look like, Peeta."

I do what she asks, because the metal that has replaced part of my leg is uncomfortable. I let out a sigh as I take it off, and rest the metal piece on the floor next to my bed, then go back to the way we were before. After a few minutes, Katniss falls asleep. I stay in my position, not able to fall asleep. Katniss stirs every once while, muttering something, probably because of a nightmare.

"Katniss, it's just a bad dream," I whisper, knowing she'll wake quickly if I keep talking. "I'm right here." I know she's awake when I hear her crying. A horrible heartbroken crying. I want to say something, but I don't know what to say, so I just let her cry into my chest. It was quiet for a few minutes when we both were staring to fall asleep.

"Stay with me." Katniss whispers.

"Always."

* * *

I watched Katniss talk to Caesar for her interview. I watched carefully, hoping I could come up with something that could somehow get us home now, even if the games start tomorrow. Katniss spins around in the wedding dress President Snow had forced her too wear. Black stuff starts coming off, and I find myself straining my eyes to see if its just my imagination, or if its actually smoke. As soon as she stops, the smoke starts to disappear, revealing a black dress shaped like a mockingjay. Caesar pulls a feather off.

"MockingJay." He says as he figures it out. My eyes scan the crowd, looking for Cinna, wanting to yell at him for doing something so stupid. Now Snow wouldn't stop the games, no matter how much the people in the Capitol complain. I don't meet Katniss eyes as I pass by, knowing she would be mad at what laws going to happen. Ceasar asks me about the quell, and I answer, hoping it would lead the only thing that would matter tonight.

"Surely even a breif time is better than no time?"

"I'd think that, too, Ceasar," I say bitterly pausing, debating if I should say it. "if it weren't for the baby."

The audience is quiet as they absorb the news.

Then, it slowly becomes confirmed from by voices.

As I walk back to my place next to Katniss, the victors start to join hands. I take katniss hand quickly, knowing the cameras where to slow to hide all of us.

Me and Katniss get the elevator by ourselfs, Finnick and Johanna try to join us but they get cut off by a Peacekeeper. As soon as we step off, I grip her shoulders.

"There isn't much time, so tell me. Is there anything I need to apologize for?"

"Nothing." Katniss answers, but I can tell she is still try to process what just happened. Haymitch appears.

"It's madness out there." He says. "They cancelled the recaps." I walk over to the window, and look at the people in the streets.

"Are they asking the president to stop the games?" Haymitch shrugs.

"They don't really know what to ask."

* * *

I make my way through the jungle, cutting away the vegetation, aware of Finnick and Katniss close behind. I swing the knife Katniss gave me to cut away some vines when there's a sharp zapping sound.

I let out a small cough, and open my eyes to see Finnick starting to sit back. Katniss flings herself at me.

"Peeta?" She says softly as she pushes my hair back, her fingers at my neck. At first I'm confused, then realized what happened.

"Careful," I say weakly. "There's a force field ahead." Katniss lets out a laugh, but tears stream down her face.

"Must be a lot stronger than the on the training center roof. I'm alright, though. Just a little shaken up."

"You were dead! Your heart stopped!" Katniss bursts out, and starts sobbing.

"Well, it seems to be working now," I say at an attempt in lightness. "Really Katniss, I'm okay." She nods her head, but doesn't stop sobbing. I start to get worried. "Katniss?"

"It's okay," Finnick cuts in. "It's just her hormones from the baby."

* * *

I sat in the sand making another stupid map, while Katniss and Finnick were getting water. My hand freezes when I hear a Familiar scream, I'm on my feet in seconds, after Katniss from where she went with Finnick, knowing who made the scream.

Primrose Everdeen.

I run into an invisible wall right after I hear a young woman scream. I know exactly what made those noises, Jabberjays, a worse thing then actually having the person you love in the games, letting you think they were hurting that person.

I see Katniss and Finnick, and put my hands up, trying to warn them about the wall. They both run into it, Finnick falling on his face. I put my hand against the wall, and Katniss does the same, hoping to feel it. I try talking to her, telling her it will be alright, but I know she doesn't hear me, that's when I notice the Jabberjays arriving one by one, perching themselves on branches. I know they star making noise when Finnick sits on the ground, as Katniss empties her quiver into the birds. She gives up, taking the same position as Finnick, hands clenched over her ears. I watch her look so hopeless, knowing she hears Prims scream full of pain over and over again. As soon as it's done, I lift her up, and start carrying her out of the jungle, she remains in her position. I hold her in my lap whispering soothing words, waiting for her to relax her iron grip of her body, when trembling begins.

"It's all right, Katniss." I whisper.

"You didn't hear them." She answers.

"I hear Prim," I tell her. "Right in the beginning, but it wasn't her. It was a Jabberjay."

"It was her." Katniss says, admitting it to herself."Somewhere. The Jabberjay just recorded it."

"Thats what they want you to think, just like I thought those where Glimmers eyes in the mutt, but they weren't. Just like that isn't Prims scream."

"No they were torturing her. She's probably dead." I thought about Prim at home hearing her sister believing it.

"Katniss, Prim isn't dead. We're almost to the final eight. What happens then?"

"Seven more of us die." Katniss say helplessly. I lift her chin so she looks at me.

"No, back home, what happens, the final eight?"

"The final eight?" She repeats. "They interview you're friends and family back home."

"That's right," I say. "They interview your friends and family. And they can't they do that if they are all dead?"

"No?" She asks unsure.

"No," I confirm. "Thats how we know Prim's alive. She'll be the first one they interview right?" I ask, I go on when she doesn't answer. "First Prim, then your mother, your cousin Gale. Madge. It was a trick, Katniss, a horrible one."

* * *

Katniss and I volunteer for the first watch, mainly because we want some time alone. We sit facing different way, my shoulder and hip against hers. I watch the jungle, while she watches the water, after awhile, Katniss rests her head on my shoulder. My hand goes to her hair, hating what I'm about to say.

"Katniss," I say softly. "It's no use pretending we don't know what the other one is trying to do." She doesn't respond, but I know she listening.

"I don't know what type of deal you made with Haymicth, but you should know he made one with me as course. So I can only think that he was lying to one of us." She raises her head, and meets my eyes.

"Why are you saying this now?"

"Because I don't want you to forget how different our circumstances are. If you die and I live, there's not life for me back in district twelve. I would never be happy again." Katniss starts to object, but I put a finger to her lips. "It's different for you. I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard, but there are other people who would make your life worth living." I pull the chain with the disk from my neck. I hold it so she can clearly see it, and hit the small button that makes it pop open, showing the pictures inside, a picture of her mother and Prim, then a picture of Gale smiling. I can see the pain in her face.

"Your family needs you. Nobody really needs me." I say, when I realize we are facing each other now.

"I do," Katniss whispers. "I need you." I take a deep breath, ready to start an argument, but before I can talk, Katniss kisses me. After a few attempts I give up on talking. My hands go to her waist while hers go to my hair. There's a caress every now and then, her hand resting softly on my cheek, pulling us closer, as if making sure I don't pull away. We get carried away with no interruptions. I push her down on the sand gently, this only lasts a few seconds before the lighting strikes the tree, waking up Finnick. He bolts upright facing us, looking at mine and Katniss confused expressions, and the position we're in. Our bodies press together, me nearly on top of her, her legs around my waist. I don't have time to feel embarrassed.

"I can't sleep anymore. One of you should go to bed," he looks at our confused expressions again. "Or both of you." I pull myself off of Katniss, and tell Finnick it's to dangerous by himself. Me and Katniss walk over to where everybody was sleeping, and Katniss lays on the sand. I rest a hand on her stomach, where the baby would be.

"You're going to be a great mother." I tell her, before kissing her lightly and taking a seat next to Finnick for the next watch.

* * *

I race through the jungle, hating myself for leaving Katniss alone with Johanna, for all I know, Katniss could be dead.

"Katniss!" I shout, hoping for an answer.

"Here, Peeta!" I hear her response. "Peeta!" No matter what was going on, whatever she was planning, I knew I was never going to get there on time.


	5. Chapter 5

_ Pretend It's OK_

I wince as the peacekeepers metal studded glove comes in contact with my already bruised face. I try to pull my hands out of the ropes that were holding my hands behind me, with no such luck. I feel blood dripping down to my already blood-caked hands, and know I open the wounds around my wrists again.

"I told you," I say, and pause to spit out blood. "I don't know where Katniss is. The only thing I wanted was to have her win and get home."

"And she did, somewhere, you would know where. So I ask again. Where is she?"

"I don't know." I answer shortly, only giving me another round of beating. I stare at the camera, the little red blinking light, knowing where ever Katniss was, she was watching. "I have no idea of what's going on. Why don't you ask someone else?" The peacekeeper looks at me.

"Your stupid mentor came up with a brilliant idea, and convinced the other victors to help you two out of the arena. When it exploded, Katniss disapeared somewhere, but she's alive. And there's rumors that district Thirteen is back on the map, undergound."

_Katniss is alive, hiding somewhere, with Haymitch. District thirteen still exists._

Slowly, I make the connection. Katniss is hiding somewhere with Haymitch, and the rest of district twelve, at least the people who survived. 8 Thousand people would never have enough food to eat in the winter, or even when its summer. Katniss was in District Thriteen, with District twelves survivors. I hadn't notice I spoke out loud.

"Where is she? You said it like you figured it out. Where is she?" When I don't respond, I get punched in the face. "You know. Where is she?"

"You guys are morons for not figuring it out already. Maybe you need some more brains. Wait. You don't have any. Since one of them disappeared." I know they want Betee so he can make them weapons. Anger was visible in his face, and he looked ready to punch or kick me, until President Snow walked in.

"Give the poor boy a break. You can leave now. I have him." The peacekeeper walked out, leaving us alone.

"Poor boy," He repeated, amused by it. "You are certainly the poor boy. You are one of the reasons the country is falling apart. The girl you love dosen't love you back, and ran off with her other lover. It must be hard. Oh, and here you are tied up, allowing this to happen to you, so she is safe." He paused, waiting for an answer, but when I don't respond, he goes on.

"What has she ever given you? Nothing? What has she ever done for you? You would die for her, and yet, she would move on. But if she had died in the last arena, things wouldn't be the way they are now. You'd be heartbroken, maybe dead as well. You would blame yourself, for what happened. What do you think would have happened if you died, and she lived?"

His words move me to anger, so I end up speaking.

"She would win, like I wanted her too. Hopefully, she'd be happy. And be with someone who makes her happy. Like Gale."

"And what would you do if you knew she was wounded, possibly dying right now?" He asks quietly, dangerously. His words made me to start freaking out, wanting to get out Of this stupid place.

"What happened to her?" I demand. His face cracks into a smile, enjoying my anger at him, and me worried for Katniss.

"It will be simple," He tells me, his face inches from mine, telling me to pay attention. "You just have to tell me where she is, and maybe I can save her. I will let you go, and her go, if she can help stop the country from falling apart, you might be able to help as well. Now, back to helping her. Where is Katniss Everdeen?"

"What happened to her?!" I demand, louder then I intended. "Tell me what happened and I'll tell you where she is, moron! What the hell happened!?"

His face breaks into a bigger smile.

"Let's just say she got an injury... News says she hasn't waken up yet. It was three days ago." He says calmly, ignoring the fact that I just yelled at him.

"What happened? Is she alive?"

"I think you would prefer watching it."

"I don't want to watch anything! Just tell me what happened!" The TV screen flickered to life. Instead of staring at the ground, I find myself watching the screen, and hate my self for it.

Katniss stood there, a Justice Building behind her, too exposed for my liking, a mic clipped to her shirt.

"People of District Two, this is Katniss Everdeen, speaking to you from the steps of your Justice Building, where-" A pair of trains come screeching into the station side by side. As the doors slide open, people tumble out in a cloud of smoke. They came wounded and armed, and I wanted to yell at Katniss for just standing there.

One man staggers forward, obviously wounded, one of his hand dragging a gun along with him. When he falls it's easy to the scorch marks down his back. He looks like a victim of a mine accident, and it effects Katniss. Her feet fly down the stairs, moving towards him.

"Stop!" She yells at the rebels on the rooftops. "Hold your fire!" I kicked that table, sending the tv to the floor.

"She got shot, didn't she?"

"Took you long enough to figure that one out, brainless," the peacekeeper tells me. He must've slipped in when I was watching the video.

"Shut up. I'm not in the mood for someone telling me how stupid I am. After all, you guys are the one who lost track of the Mockingjay." This was the first time I considered Katniss the mockingjay. But after seeing the video, I could understand why they called her that.

She was someone who was never supposed to exist.

She was the one thing the Capitol was afraid of.

Instead of a look of anger on his face, he gives me a smile.

"My favourite part. Say goodbye to yourself, Mellark."

I don't remember anything after that. But I wake up to the sound of yelling, and a few gunshots.

"Where the hell is he?" That sounded like an angry Gale. I shake it out of my head Gale wouldn't be here.

I look around the room, the door wide open. Something lays on the table next to me. I turn my head enough so I can read the label. It read Tracker Jacker.

Then I understood. I don't know how long they been doing this to me, how long they been changing who I was. I won't be able to know what I'm doing. I would be harmful.

Who knew how long it would take for it took take toll. It could be the next time a fall asleep.

I wasn't me anymore.

The shouting comes closer.

_If you're here to save me, leave. I won't be able to help. Don't let Katniss see me again. I don't want to be remembered like this. Turn around. Leave._

I can feel myself slipping away, the next time I wake up, I probably won't know how to control my body.

"I found him! Boggs!"

Turns out it was Gale after all.

Gale begins to cut my wrists free.

"Come on, Mellark. I didn't come all the way over here just to see you die." He grunts as he pulls me out of the chair, supporting me as we walk towards the door. "You're heavier than I thought."

"It's called muscle," I say weakly. "Why'd you come?"

"Katniss's orders," he tells me as we walk down the hall quickly, while a guy who I figured would be Boggs guarded us. "We got Johanna and Annie too."

"I was starting to worry about them," I mutter. "They were locked up."

"Well, you don't have to worry. We need to worry about you. You got the worst of it. It really took affect on Katniss. She wouldn't agree to do anything unless she knows your safe."

"She saw the airings didn't she?"

Gale just nods.

* * *

I sit tied to a bed.

_So much for freedom in District 13._

The door in the wall slides open, and Katniss walks in.

"Katniss!" I say, louder then I intended to do. "I'm sorry. I really am. I-"

"I know," She says weakly, the collar of her shirt shifting so I'm able to see the bruises that I put there, and I want to bury me face in my knees, but I can't. "I know what President Snow did. It's okay."

* * *

I stared at my hands, wondering I should tell Katniss. Maybe she would wouldn't help if I say something that is true, but maybe she would help.

_Who are you kidding? You almost killed her and you think she would try to help you because you can't remember what's real and what's different? She has a rebellion to lead, and sitting in some tent with her isn't going to do any good._

"Your favorite color, it's green?"

Katniss stops moving towards the opening of the tent, frozen by my words, but she turns to face me.

"That's right," Katniss pauses for a minute. "And your's orange."

"Orange?" I ask. I don't remember saying that.

"Not bright orange. A bit more muted. Like the sunset. At least that's what you told me once."

I close my eyes trying to picture it, then nod my head. Katniss was right.

"Thank you." I murmur. I thought Katniss had left, but she speaks again.

"You're a painter. You're a baker. You like to sleep with the window open. You never take sugar in your tea. And you always double-knot your shoelaces."

* * *

I slide down the wall, my face in my hands. Katniss stands a few feet away from me, but I can only form one clear thought.

_Finnick Odair just died. _

_Because of me._

"Peeta?" Katniss asks.

I don't respond. The next thing that would happen is that I would end up getting her killed.

"Peeta?" She asks again softly, and pulls my hands away from my face.

"Leave me," I murmur, answering the question her grey eyes were asking me. "I can't hold on." I wanted to add, _I'm not going be the reason how I lose you. I'm just not going to let it happen. _

"Yes. You can!" She says, her face a little closer than it was before.

"I can't. I'm losing it. I'll go mad. Like them." Katniss understands. I'll be like the mutts that just killed Finnick. Like the mutts that fill our nightmares. The next thing I know, is that Katniss has her lips on mine. I don't do anything. But for some reason it reminds me of the beach.

Katniss pulls away to soon.

"Don't let him take you away from me." President Snow. He already has taken me away from her.

"No. I don't want to."

Katniss hands find my wrists.

"Stay with me," she whispers.

Her words send me to a different time. It was when she had broken her foot. I carried her up to her room, and just I was about to leave, she stopped me, saying the same words. I had responded.

"Always." I murmur.

* * *

We sit in the cellar. What's left of us, anyways. Katniss, Gale, Pollux, Cressida, and me.

Katniss kneels in front of me, cleaning the cuts on my wrists.

"You've got to keep them clean, otherwise the inflection could spread an-"

I cut her off.

"I know what blood poising is, Katniss," I say. "even if my mother isn't a healer." I want to take the words back. I didn't really mean to say that. It just came. I just blurted it.

"You said that same thing to me in the first Hunger Games. Real or not Real?" She says.

"Real," I answer. "And you risked your life getting the medicine that save me?"

"Real," Katniss shrugs. "You were the reason why I was alive to do it."

* * *

I sit watching everybody sleep. My eyes kept going to Katniss, who muttered something every now and then, and after hours of hearing it, I was convinced that she muttered my name. The body next to me shifts, and Gale sits up, grabs the water carton, and drinks from it.

"Couldn't sleep?" I ask randomly.

Gale nods.

"Of course," he hands the carton to me. "It's not as bad as you, though. I know you stay up all night."

"Thanks," I tell him. "I'm afraid to go to sleep, anyways. I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt someone."

"In your sleep?"

"Once you go through something like the games, you would understand." I say.

"Then tell me. I'm tired of not understanding Katniss. Or that weird bonding you to have."

"It's complicated." I say, my head on the wall.

"Life's complicated," Gale points out. "I think you can tell me something complicated."

"The weird bonding me and Katniss doesn't exist," I tell him. "If you see one, I can't help you with it. I just understand her. I understand what its like to go through something like the games. You become afraid of what you became. You aren't you anymore. If you think its because she has feelings for me, your wrong. She loves you, know. She as well told me that when you got whipped."

"Don't believe it," Gale answers. "The way she kissed you in the quarter quell, she never kissed me like that."

I thought about it. The warmth of her lips on mine.

"It was just for show." I say.

"No, you won her over. Gave up everything for her. Maybe that's the only way to convince her you love her. I should have volunteered for you. Protected her then."

"You couldn't," I tell him. "She would never forgive you. She depends on you to much. I wonder how'll she'll make her mind."

"Oh, that I do know." Gale says as he lays down again. "She'll choose whoever she can't survive without."

I hugged my knees to my chest, watching Katniss. I thought about mine and Gale's conservation. I was right though, about one thing. The Games makes you afraid you became, what you did. I looked at everybody in the room.

I was safe from their Demons. There was only one demon I was afraid of.

Myself.


	6. Authors Note

**AUTHOR NOTE.**

**I know this is going to be boring, but some of you guys have asked me to continue Pretend it's ok, but that was the last chapter. I'm not sure yet, but I might make a short sequel to go along with it. It might only be a few chapters like 4 or 5. I'm not sure, but until then, See ya.**


	7. Author note

AUTHOR NOTE.

I know this is gonna be boring again, but I'm just letting you know that Pretend it's OK sequel, Over Again is now up. ENJOY.


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